if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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