i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
