Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
