We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
