She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
