She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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