So drunk its hurt
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My bed smells like the plague
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
