Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
What a dumb baby whore.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
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