So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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