i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Randomize
