He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
where does the pee come out of this thing
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
