When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
