I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Randomize
