the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
I had to cum in my sink.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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