I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
