We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
