You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
