we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
