um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
