turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
