i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
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