Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Randomize
