I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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