You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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