Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
