She is in my trunk
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
