I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
