This is not my ceiling
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
