remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
