Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
