I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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