We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
