woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
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