i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize