she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
