Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
