The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
