i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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