do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
