Im at strip club and am horny
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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