11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
