Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
