I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
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