Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
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