There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
