I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
