i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
