i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
