Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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