Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
