he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
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