I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
Randomize
