So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize
