Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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