man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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