My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I will pee on everything he values.
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
Randomize
