I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
