Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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