If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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