I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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