I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize