There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
