Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
