Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
