I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
