I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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