Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
Randomize
