I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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