I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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