We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
