I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
It's like God shit irony all over that family
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
