That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
