You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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