Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
