you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
