**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
